At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
