i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
