No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Randomize
