it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
