Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
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Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
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He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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