so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
