did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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