my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
