Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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