I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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