I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
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He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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