We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
