there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
