what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
