Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
