Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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