i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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