Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
