Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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