I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
