the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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