Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
