My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
