I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
