I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
