i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
The ass gains better be worth it
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