well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
