Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
