she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
