im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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