he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
