'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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