i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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