Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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