hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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