someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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