I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Floor bacon is actually really good
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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