he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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