Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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