Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
