Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
