Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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