I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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