Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
