apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I need a burrito and a hug.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
