I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
