I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
