he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
