as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize