I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
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I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
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If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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