You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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