i think i have two assholes
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
