why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i think my mom watched the whole time
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
