I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
