Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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