Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
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We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He? As in you personified your dick?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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