You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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