i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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