How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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