You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
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I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
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Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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