Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
he was CRYING into my vagina
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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