Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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