is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
