mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
